I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
