An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
