Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
