Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think your dad took our porno
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
