i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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