I think im going to throw up on grandma
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
