Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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