you have to choose: penises or morals?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
