I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
