He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
PANTIES FOUND
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