She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
