Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
