i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
