its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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