Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
