Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my being single is dangerous.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
