dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
