it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
