one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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