I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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