He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
