You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
