K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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