i already hear my dad disowning me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
