i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
is that a dick in a sweater?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
