We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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