so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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