the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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