walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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