I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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