I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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