Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
