Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
