Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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