This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is the high leading the old right now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
