Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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