i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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