Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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