are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
