You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
