i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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