Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
