meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
