I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
