Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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