I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
