dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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