i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
