If i come over, it means nothing
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
