i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize