dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
