Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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