on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
