some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
