FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
