His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love having hate sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
