I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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