this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
