At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
