Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
