I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
