my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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