I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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