My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
