i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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