I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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