We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
