We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
