I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
