Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My bed smells like the plague
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize