bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
