she woke up with a sticky ear
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
