ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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